Cindy snuggles up beside Shannon, "Why are you really going to the mission field?"

Shannon tries to find the words, "Sometimes in life, we just have to try what we've been avoiding. This isn't like skydiving, mountain climbing ---nothing like that. This is mission work."

Cindy is not convinced, "Or are you trading one thing for another?  I've been avoiding the idea of you going to the mission field, but you're avoiding the thought that you and Stan could have a good life together.  So if you want to try what you are avoiding, you could give you and Stan a try. When you were fourteen, you said you'd never marry. I was fine with that. I didn't want you to think of courtship and marriage at such a young age …when the answer would have been unquestionably, "No!"  But now you are old enough to say, "Yes!"  I don't have a problem with you following what might be God's Will."                                   

Shannon is feeling the burden of painful decision-making, "Please, try to understand, Mom.   

You've had a chance to live out a few of your dreams.  And lately you all have tried to live out Dad's dreams.  That's  fine, but I have to find my own dreams too."

Shannon returns to her previous mention, "How do you know whether a dream comes from God?  I keep having this dream that Dad is crying and I wake up crying in the night."

Fernye explains, "That is real common.  It usually means you have unresolved emotions concerning something.  You know, while Dad was here, you had never really shown Dad that you accepted him.  So those emotions are very possibly pouring out in your dreams."                                                      

Shannon is still confused, "But why is Stan in my dreams?   My dreams have Dad crying and me crying, but Stan never cries."

Fernye smiles, "Maybe you do care about Stan more than you'd like to admit.   And the emotions you were holding back from Dad, you are now holding back with Stan.  That's a common transference.  In your case, it would be emotional guardedness."                                       

Shannon would like to feel confident what God would have her see in this whole emotional entanglement, "But it's not just a dream, Grandma.  I have never seen Stan cry, for real."

Fernye tries to share the wisdom of her past experiences, "Well, that's because men are simply not brought up to cry. That's always the way it was and for the most part it probably will never change. Thankfully, they are brought up to be sensitive to our crying.  But don't expect them to cry."

Shannon is searching, "Even when they're boys, they learn not to cry?"                                                      

Fernye affirms, "That's precisely when they learn.  It's a sad time, especially for mothers. They see the day their sons turn from hugging and kissing them ---to portraying a rough exterior."

Shannon's heart begs to differ, "But not all of them do.  I saw Dad cry lots of times."

Fernye appears so focused on defending Stan, she forgets her past fondness of Stephen, "Well, when a man cries too much, what does a woman have left to do?  If there's one thing a woman can't stand, it's being outcried."

Shannon feels this is an outcry of injustice. That's one of the things she felt was so special ---when a man didn't bend to expectations.  Dad was special that way. And no one can change her perception of him.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Fernye continues though, "When a man and woman happen to switch roles ---well, that's what happened with the women's liberation movement."

Shannon wonders what happened to Grandma.   She always seemed to know what to say and it was refreshing to see God working through her, but why doesn't Shannon feel that way now?  Is it because Fernye is getting old?  No, that's ridiculous.  She's way past "getting", ---it's just that she can be so right-on, then other times, she just sounds like the rest of society.

Shannon has to ask, "What happened with the women's liberation movement?  Did the men all start crying?"

Grandma usually said the movement was a crying shame.  But Fernye appears tired, "Well, no.  Most of the men didn't do anything.  So naturally, the women had to."

Shannon sees it one way, "My Dad and Mom didn't switch roles."

Fernye sees it another way, but doesn't choose to bring up that point, "Well, maybe not, but your Mom has to do both roles now.  She's had to for several years now.  You'd make it easier on her if you'd marry Stan.  Stan has all the Christ-like character that I would ever look for in a man. You'll find no better."

Fernye is so convinced that the best thing for Shannon is Stan.  So much so, that she can't help add, "Yes, your Dad was a good man, but  your Mom told me some things.  I'm sorry to say, he was a bit insecure.  And I believe that's why he cried so much.  Stan is a very secure young man.  I believe he has the joy of walking with God.  You probably don't see him cry, but I'd find no fault with that.  You'll find more happiness sharing joy, than tears."

Shannon is emotionally exhausted, "Perhaps you're right, Grandma.  I'm just confused about a lot of stuff at this stage of my life.  But just one more thing ---could you explain to me one more thing?"   

Grandma feels she has made her point, "Sure, what is it?"                                                         

Shannon asks, "In the Gospel of John, what does Chapter eleven, verse thirty-five mean?"              

Grandma is familiar with the verse, "Jesus wept."