Being out in the mission field has much potential joy, but Shannon is yet to experience that. There is also a certain sense of being somewhat scared ---not knowing what to do. She recalls that Dad had always fixed things ---or had attempted to. Dad had never seemed to be able to fix it with Mom, but even when things seemed out-of-control, in a sort of way, Dad gave a secure feeling that he was at least struggling to attempt to make things right ---even if in an unpeaceful way.

In a strange sort of way, it was still peaceful when Dad was involved. He may have been wrong in the way he did it, but he had at least been struggling for what he wanted to make right. And Shannon finds that admirable.  It brings a deep sense of peace.  She knows that if Dad was here, he'd be struggling to attempt to make things right in the present situation too.  Dad probably wouldn't have even let her go to the mission field.  Grandma and Mom had discouraged her, but Dad would have done more ---he wouldn't have let her go to this strange far away place.

Shannon feels the warmth of Dad's arms around her. It is strange. She had never allowed that warmth, but now as she imagines it ---it feels so good. 

Yes, this is strange.  Dad has been gone for over fifteen long years  now ---and it has taken this long to be able to feel this kind of peace.

   The strange feeling engulfs her and sweeps her along to imaginings  she had not expected.  As she imagines Dad's arms wrapped around her, the image suddenly becomes …Stan.  

   It is like she suddenly wants a hug from Stan.  She and Stan had never hugged, held hands, or anything for that matter ---but suddenly she feels Stan's love ---the way she feels Dad's love. 

   She'd been unprepared for this emotional journey, but as it unfolds before her, she begins to feel she even understands part of it.  In a way, an allowance is being made for an emotion that had been hindered, without any previous avenue for growth.  Is that the way life goes? Unexplainable really, but it's been happening ever since the beginning of time.  It merely happens because it is supposed to happen.   It's not really as unexplainable as one may think ---it's God's way.  She just hasn't experienced this sort of thing in her life before.  Maybe it just takes a little slowing down, moving out of our typical agendas and experiencing a new perspective.