Stan's awkward delivery of his announcement brings most of the smiles. He had so eloquently helped negotiate peace in the Middle East, yet he is stammering through the words now, not knowing quite what is proper, nor how to go about saying it, "I know I'm supposed to ask someone's permission. And as ill-equipped as I am at this, I do have some knowledge ---enough to know that I'm supposed to ask Shannon's dad. But since that's not possible, I'm asking all of you."

It just takes him a moment to talk through his nervousness, "I'm asking you ---my community, my support, my loved ones ---permission to court Shannon, with intent to marry."

Shannon likes Stan, but this throws her totally off guard.  Stan had  said he would've asked her dad, but the would've didn't help her much now.  Dad would've insisted that Stan be more discreet.  He would've talked to her privately, and her feelings would've been considered before anyone would've known of Stan's intent.

But now, Shannon's feelings are all over the map.  She doesn't really want to escape.  She just wants time.  And though the idea of courtship is supposed to provide for that very thing, she feels that perhaps Moriah's invitation had already mapped out the better solution.                                                                

Last week, Moriah had once again extended the invitation.  She is to join her parents on another mission trip. And once again she'd invited Shannon to go along.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

                  

Shannon was excited, as usual, but though she is twenty-eight years old, she still goes to Mom for advice.  And of course, Mom has her same feelings.   Though she can't tell her she is too young anymore, she voices her wishes that she not go.

Fernye had tried to stay out of it.  Anyone else, she'd be excited for, but this is different.   

Shannon is special, too special to let go anywhere.  Well, not anywhere ---but anywhere where there are uncivilized people  and where unpredictability is a prime consideration.  All considered, it is a fine thing to bring the gospel to far-reaching places.  But let Shannon do some other fine thing ---like marry Stan.

   Shannon hadn't mentioned the trip to Indonesia since last week's   initial excitement.  That's why it takes everyone by surprise now, "Stan, I'm going to be going on the mission trip with Moriah and her parents next week.  Could you please pray for me about that?"                         

   Everyone falls silent.  Shannon feels extremely awkward, "I'm not going away for---forever.  It's only a year commitment."

Cindy snuggles up beside Shannon, "Why are you really going to the mission field?"

Shannon tries to find the words, "Sometimes in life, we just have to try what we've been avoiding. This isn't like skydiving, mountain climbing ---nothing like that. This is mission work."

Cindy is not convinced, "Or are you trading one thing for another?  I've been avoiding the idea of you going to the mission field, but you're avoiding the thought that you and Stan could have a good life together.  So if you want to try what you are avoiding, you could give you and Stan a try. When you were fourteen, you said you'd never marry. I was fine with that. I didn't want you to think of courtship and marriage at such a young age …when the answer would have been unquestionably, "No!"  But now you are old enough to say, "Yes!"  I don't have a problem with you following what might be God's Will."                                   

Shannon is feeling the burden of painful decision-making, "Please, try to understand, Mom.   

You've had a chance to live out a few of your dreams.  And lately you all have tried to live out Dad's dreams.  That's  fine, but I have to find my own dreams too."

Shannon returns to her previous mention, "How do you know whether a dream comes from God?  I keep having this dream that Dad is crying and I wake up crying in the night."

Fernye explains, "That is real common.  It usually means you have unresolved emotions concerning something.  You know, while Dad was here, you had never really shown Dad that you accepted him.  So those emotions are very possibly pouring out in your dreams."                                                      

Shannon is still confused, "But why is Stan in my dreams?   My dreams have Dad crying and me crying, but Stan never cries."

Fernye smiles, "Maybe you do care about Stan more than you'd like to admit.   And the emotions you were holding back from Dad, you are now holding back with Stan.  That's a common transference.  In your case, it would be emotional guardedness."                                       

Shannon would like to feel confident what God would have her see in this whole emotional entanglement, "But it's not just a dream, Grandma.  I have never seen Stan cry, for real."

Fernye tries to share the wisdom of her past experiences, "Well, that's because men are simply not brought up to cry. That's always the way it was and for the most part it probably will never change. Thankfully, they are brought up to be sensitive to our crying.  But don't expect them to cry."

Shannon is searching, "Even when they're boys, they learn not to cry?"                                                      

Fernye affirms, "That's precisely when they learn.  It's a sad time, especially for mothers. They see the day their sons turn from hugging and kissing them ---to portraying a rough exterior."

Shannon's heart begs to differ, "But not all of them do.  I saw Dad cry lots of times."

Fernye appears so focused on defending Stan, she forgets her past fondness of Stephen, "Well, when a man cries too much, what does a woman have left to do?  If there's one thing a woman can't stand, it's being outcried."

Shannon feels this is an outcry of injustice. That's one of the things she felt was so special ---when a man didn't bend to expectations.  Dad was special that way. And no one can change her perception of him.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Fernye continues though, "When a man and woman happen to switch roles ---well, that's what happened with the women's liberation movement."

Shannon wonders what happened to Grandma.   She always seemed to know what to say and it was refreshing to see God working through her, but why doesn't Shannon feel that way now?  Is it because Fernye is getting old?  No, that's ridiculous.  She's way past "getting", ---it's just that she can be so right-on, then other times, she just sounds like the rest of society.

Shannon has to ask, "What happened with the women's liberation movement?  Did the men all start crying?"

Grandma usually said the movement was a crying shame.  But Fernye appears tired, "Well, no.  Most of the men didn't do anything.  So naturally, the women had to."

Shannon sees it one way, "My Dad and Mom didn't switch roles."

Fernye sees it another way, but doesn't choose to bring up that point, "Well, maybe not, but your Mom has to do both roles now.  She's had to for several years now.  You'd make it easier on her if you'd marry Stan.  Stan has all the Christ-like character that I would ever look for in a man. You'll find no better."

Fernye is so convinced that the best thing for Shannon is Stan.  So much so, that she can't help add, "Yes, your Dad was a good man, but  your Mom told me some things.  I'm sorry to say, he was a bit insecure.  And I believe that's why he cried so much.  Stan is a very secure young man.  I believe he has the joy of walking with God.  You probably don't see him cry, but I'd find no fault with that.  You'll find more happiness sharing joy, than tears."

Shannon is emotionally exhausted, "Perhaps you're right, Grandma.  I'm just confused about a lot of stuff at this stage of my life.  But just one more thing ---could you explain to me one more thing?"   

Grandma feels she has made her point, "Sure, what is it?"                                                         

Shannon asks, "In the Gospel of John, what does Chapter eleven, verse thirty-five mean?"              

Grandma is familiar with the verse, "Jesus wept."   

Fernye says she feels a heaviness in her chest. Cindy says she has the same heaviness of heart, now that Shannon is gone. But Fernye insists that it's not the same. So to be on the safe side, Cindy agrees to take her to the hospital for a checkup.

Cindy stares ahead at the road.  She does not say much.  She really can't believe Shannon is gone ---but she is.

Fernye isn't saying much either.  She just gazes out the car window. Suddenly, Fernye hollers, "Turn back!"

Cindy immediately senses danger at the tone of the command, "What! What's the matter?"                                                                                                

Fernye insists, "Just turn back!"

Cindy quickly turns on her directional signal and turns on the first street to the left, "Okay.  Now where and what am I turning back to?"

Fernye has calmed down a bit, but still has an anxious tone, "Just drive, I'll tell you when to stop!"

Cindy drives back a quarter mile.   Fernye then cautions, "Slow down a bit ---get ready to pull off. Okay, right here!"

Cindy pulls off, "Okay, what is it?"

Fernye's heart leaps for joy, "Don't you see it?"

Cindy looks, "I see a barren field.  You are looking here to the right, aren't you?"                                             

Fernye continues her estatic joy, "It's a field full of golden wheat, ready for harvest!"  

Cindy looks to Fernye, then back out the window, "I'm sorry, Grandma, I still see a barren field. The sun is shining, perhaps casting a slight golden hue across the surface of the field.  But I still just see a barren field."   

Cindy is happy they are on their way to the hospital.  Grandma is usually so sharp.  But she is 113 years old.  It is time for a check-up, for sure.

Fernye turns to Cindy, "Don't you see?  I tried to convince Shannon not to go, but I believe I was wrong.  She did the right thing.  I somehow feel good about it now. There is a barren field out there ---barren of the truth of Jesus. And Shannon is going to help plant, cultivate, and witness a golden harvest. Can you see it now?"

Cindy smiles, "Yes, I see it!  I guess I should have set my emotions aside too.  I know God takes care of us all ---and certainly He will guide those who are most willing to let Him guide them."

Fernye smiles, "If you put another person's needs before your own,  you meet two person's needs.   If you put your own needs first, you meet no one's needs."

Cindy laughs, "Why are we going to the hospital, Grandma?   You're as healthy as you've ever been."

Fernye chuckles, "We're not going to a spiritual counselor.  My body is old. You bring your car in for a tune-up every so often, don't you?"

   Cindy pulls back around and proceeds to drive to the hospital.  Fernye seems to drift in thought, but chooses to share those thoughts, "Shannon was ready to grow.  She wasn't ready to cultivate a relationship with Stan. If you cultivate before the growth begins, you just uproot that growth.  Stan felt a need to be with someone, and that someone at this time was Shannon.   But that would be putting his own needs, or what he felt were his needs, first.  And as I said, then you meet no one's needs.  Stan has gone through so much.  He has matured.  But we've sheltered Shannon. We've attempted to shelter her from things we felt that were not good, but we can't also shelter her from what is good.   This mission experience is good.  And Stan is good.  When she returns, she'll be much more mature.  She'll be ready to meet Stan on his level.  Just wait and see."

Being out in the mission field has much potential joy, but Shannon is yet to experience that. There is also a certain sense of being somewhat scared ---not knowing what to do. She recalls that Dad had always fixed things ---or had attempted to. Dad had never seemed to be able to fix it with Mom, but even when things seemed out-of-control, in a sort of way, Dad gave a secure feeling that he was at least struggling to attempt to make things right ---even if in an unpeaceful way.

In a strange sort of way, it was still peaceful when Dad was involved. He may have been wrong in the way he did it, but he had at least been struggling for what he wanted to make right. And Shannon finds that admirable.  It brings a deep sense of peace.  She knows that if Dad was here, he'd be struggling to attempt to make things right in the present situation too.  Dad probably wouldn't have even let her go to the mission field.  Grandma and Mom had discouraged her, but Dad would have done more ---he wouldn't have let her go to this strange far away place.

Shannon feels the warmth of Dad's arms around her. It is strange. She had never allowed that warmth, but now as she imagines it ---it feels so good. 

Yes, this is strange.  Dad has been gone for over fifteen long years  now ---and it has taken this long to be able to feel this kind of peace.

   The strange feeling engulfs her and sweeps her along to imaginings  she had not expected.  As she imagines Dad's arms wrapped around her, the image suddenly becomes …Stan.  

   It is like she suddenly wants a hug from Stan.  She and Stan had never hugged, held hands, or anything for that matter ---but suddenly she feels Stan's love ---the way she feels Dad's love. 

   She'd been unprepared for this emotional journey, but as it unfolds before her, she begins to feel she even understands part of it.  In a way, an allowance is being made for an emotion that had been hindered, without any previous avenue for growth.  Is that the way life goes? Unexplainable really, but it's been happening ever since the beginning of time.  It merely happens because it is supposed to happen.   It's not really as unexplainable as one may think ---it's God's way.  She just hasn't experienced this sort of thing in her life before.  Maybe it just takes a little slowing down, moving out of our typical agendas and experiencing a new perspective.

The year is coming to completion for Shannon and she had learned much. She realizes that often life can be the most fun while dreaming of adventures, but not necessarily experiencing them.

   What Shannon clearly does understand, is that she has too many other feelings rising to the surface.  Above all, she feels she has to be honest with herself.   Maybe she hadn't been ready for the mission field. Maybe during a different time, she would have been able to feel the same joy   that Moriah seems to be experiencing.

   She had gone to the mission field, not because she had been drawn to it, but because she was drawing herself away from any closeness that Stan may have been feeling towards her.

   The year is finally through!  Shannon is coming home.  And the very thing that she had run away from …is now drawing her close.  She misses her family so much!   But her feelings had done a complete turnabout with Stan.   She is no longer afraid ...and she misses him too.

   She is eager to explore the adventures of her heart through courtship. She hadn't tried to nourish the thought, but the more the thought crosses her mind, the more it begins to settle in with quiet contentment, towards commitment.   She wants to settle down.   And she wants to settle down with someone she can love …and who will love her.   Stan had already announced both his feelings and his intentions.   And Shannon feels she is ready to meet him on those terms.

Shannon says goodbye to Moriah and her parents. Moriah had committed to two years, so Shannon will be taking the trip back alone, without her friend and companion.

Shannon cries as she steps to the plane.  Moriah and her mom, Aleah, cry too.   But Lorvin doesn't cry.  Lorvin is perhaps much like Stan.  

Shannon kind of laughs to herself through the tears, as she thinks back just a year ago.  She had made such a big deal about not ever seeing Stan cry.

In the mission field, Shannon had seen many men void of God's leading  and direction.  Cultures had developed for hundreds of years without any of God's influence and understanding.   Sadly, many of them reminded her of men in her own country ---a country where the vast majority had at one time believed in God, yet still God's influence scarce to recognize.  Then in the name of unity and everything that it represents ---the Essence had made its inroads.  And with peace and acceptance as avenues to link diversity and unity, there became an acceptance of diverse beliefs in God, stripping away truth and character ---resembling much those void of the standards God freely extends to us through His Son, Jesus.   All this had brought a new perspective on how Shannon really felt about life.  And it increased her appreciation for a man such as Stan.

   As Shannon gets off the plane, she looks around.   She doesn't see anyone immediately.  She wonders how much more disappointment she must face.  Then some movement catches her eye.  Mom breaks from the crowd.  

Shannon takes particular notice to Leah and Josiah's absence. She expects they will surprise her at any moment.

Mom takes half that surprise away, "No one knew quite when you'd be arriving.  And I guess it's my fault again.  I was supposed to call ahead to tell them when we were arriving, but I was so eager to see you, I got carried away and forgot.   Josiah should be at the printing room, off the church building.  He is finishing the first 500 copies of 'The Essence'.  He is so eager to see you.  So is Leah, but I don't know where she is."

Shannon heads to the printing room.  She looks about.  She'd shared  so much with Mom.  But she'd not mentioned her silent wish about Stan.  She is partly relieved that she has not seen him yet.  She wants to see Josiah and Leah first.  She might cry when she sees Stan and it would be better if her eyes are already filled with tears.

Josiah sees Shannon coming.  He runs and meets her halfway, sweeping his sister up in his arms.  They both laugh and cry.  It is such a joyous reunion.

   Shannon asks to see the book, but Josiah says he has a copy set aside for her.  "You can see it later.  I'm sure Leah can't wait to see you. I think she's in the barn."                                                                                                              

   Shannon runs and skips to the barn.  She is so excited.  She could spent hours talking to Leah.  Mom knew that, of course, and had made sure to mention that she expected them back for dinner.